our cab driver is having phone sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
