i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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