Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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