There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
