Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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