Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
