My liver just broke up with me...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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