Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You ruined the universe
Randomize
