For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
