You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
