I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im six kinds of drunk right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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