She is in my trunk
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
