Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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