Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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