she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
