Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish my penis had an off switch
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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