Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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