Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
