Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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