Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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