idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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