$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
