so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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