ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
