I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
