DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
