Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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