11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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