he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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