she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
