chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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