I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
