I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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