But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
