WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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