Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
