Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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