There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
