I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
