I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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