My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
