I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
