Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
