Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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