so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
