My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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