in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you win again, gameday.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
