At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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