nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
