Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's just like the Real World with babies
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
