Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
