Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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