i jhust puked up my retainher.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
two words...techno handjob
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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