There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
