I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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