If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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