Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
