I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
