i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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