I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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