she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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