Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize