Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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