Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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