just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
