please come you make the beer taste better
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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