You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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